When Hooking Up With Friends Fails

We've all been there before. Whether it started with an "I'm bored... what're you doing?" Text message at 3am or it started at a drunken house party, we've all hooked up with friends. And yes while there are some success stories (a very very small percentage), most end in failure. And I've finally after years and years of hanging my hat on being the guy that hooks up with all his friends has figured it out. Are you ready? It's actually really simple once you stop playing with your balls and think about it. Girls can not seperate emotional thoughts from rational ones. Actually forget that it's simplier than that. Girls are not capable of rational thoughts. I know, I know, ladies pipe down and let me fuck you up with some knowledge. Like I said I've made my living off of most of my friends and my sexual appetite thanks you however, out of all of those experiences I left at least 98% of them with some sort of baggage or as us guys call it, a fuckin headache. It all starts the same innocent and just downright adorable way. Good friends with a few cervezas in them just kickin and them bam your gettin your balls polished the old fashioned way. When it's done you either pack up your shit and high tail it outta there or you're comfortable enough that the girl shares your lack of moral conscience and that you're on the same page that this is strictly physical and you pass out. Then comes the next morning... if you're lucky it lasts until lunch, but sure as shit you get the "what're you doing today?" text. Um excuse me? Wait. You don't think... Does she think that... Oh fuck. So now you're in the trenches so strap that fuckin helmet on and man your battle stations. You have 2 options, 1) ignore it and avoid it or 2) play dumb. I usually go with the play dumb card on this one because they are your friend afterall and you're hoping that she will realize "you're just not that into her" and you can continue this relationship as friends and then when you're drunk trip and fall on eachother naked from time to time without being weird. However, back to my point about emotions this is usually not an option from the female perspective. Next thing you know you're getting bombarded with angry texts and phone calls and the only defense you have is to continue acting like a functioning retard and flip things around like she is retarded and crazy. Soon there after you may lose the friendship and the question remains the same: Was it Worth it? And the answer is always the same; AB-SO-FUCKING-LUTELY

-Submitted by: "Dingo is my Name-O"