Recently, I had flown down to Miami to take care of some business. While I was preparing for the flight I forgot to pack my testicles in my luggage. I used to fly a lot when I was a freshman in college and was pretty much used to the usual little bumps in the flight, but that was more than three years ago. The instant there was the slightest bit of turbulence my rationality and my ability to hold shit inside my blatter went away. I was so desperate to get off the plane until the flight attendant came around with the drink cart. Once again, alcohol saved my sanity by relaxing me and offsetting the turbulence by making my head bobble. I'd like to think the high altitude and low pressure was the reason I got so drunk off of 4 mini bottles of rum, but the truth is I probably was too busy sweating 3 gallons of water to notice how dehydrated I was. And in an anticlimatic ending, the flight ended smoothly and I left the terminal with a belly full of liquid courage, a restored confidence for flying, and a new mantra.
Now to test the theory, the flight back. Before departing, I ended up buying a bottle of vodka and splitting it with my more than willing parents. The flight back was the greatest rollercoaster ride of my life. I neither felt a bit of turbluance the whole flight nor was I uncomfortable. Now I know why pilots get sauced at airport bars before flights.
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